Don't Regret Your London

I’ll be honest with you.

I was one of those college students that couldn’t commit to a major. I was interested in so many subjects. I started off studying audio production, but it was too technical. I switched to photography but realized it would be hard to make a living as a photographer. So, I switched to exercise and nutrition, but it was a lot of science and I don’t have a scientific mind. I went through three degrees in two years.

Then, junior year, I had an opportunity to study in Colorado Springs at the Focus on the Family Leadership Institute. Though Focus is still doing incredible things, the Leadership Institute shut down a couple years ago. I still dream of being a part of its resurrection.

But that’s not the point.

The point is while I was studying in Colorado, I felt God calling me into ministry. I didn’t know what that meant. All I knew was that God was calling me to give my life to serving His people.

I went back home and decided to pursue a degree in psychology. I thought maybe God was calling me to be a counselor. I took one counseling course and realized I was NOT wired to be a counselor but with three semesters left was already barely going to graduate on time. So, I finished my psychology degree and resolved to figure it out upon graduation.

I honestly didn’t know what to do. I was serving in the youth ministry at the church I was attending and really fell in love with this crew of middle school girls.

Do you remember middle school? It is ROUGH. It’s that awkward period between being a child and a teenager and, man, it’s just a confusing time. I loved those girls because I remembered what it was like to be them. I thought maybe God was calling me into student ministry.

Then, the summer before my senior year, I went to a leadership conference all on my own. I knew no one. I was staying in a hotel by myself. I was just there to listen and learn.

But there was this group attending the conference – and they noticed I was sitting alone. They invited me to sit with them, hung out with me during the breaks, and took me to dinner (and even paid for me) every night. They were so kind and quickly felt like friends.

They asked me about where I felt God was calling me. I told them what I’d been thinking. It turns out they were from London (I’d already gathered that from their accent) and they were looking for a student ministry leader. They offered me the role on the spot. They’d pay to move me to London and I could start whenever I wanted.

I said no.

I had another year left to finish my degree and didn’t feel qualified to accept the position they were offering. And, to be honest, I was afraid to move so far away. I was twenty-one and still felt so young.

I’m really grateful for where I am and what I’m doing. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m near family. I get to hang out with my nieces and nephews every week. I love my friends. I love my church. I love what I do and I love how I spend my days.

But I’ve thought about that offer at least once a month for the last fifteen years.

I wonder what it would have been like to just take it – to say yes to that adventure.

I don’t regret the life I’ve had.

But I wonder. And I kind of wish I’d taken the leap.

Most choices aren’t irreversible. If it’s not the right fit, you can change course.

But there are opportunities that come once in a lifetime. If you take them and it’s not right, you can opt out. But if you don’t take them, you can’t get them back.

I don’t know what opportunities you have. You may not feel qualified. You may be scared. You may feel like once you take it there’s no turning back.

That’s usually not the case.

I love the life I have. I am so grateful for the entire journey.

But I wish I’d gone to London. I wish I’d gone on that adventure.

Don’t regret your London.

Fix Your Thoughts

It’s been a crazy couple of weeks, hasn’t it?

Schools are closed. Churches are moving to online services. Restaurants are limited to delivery and takeout. Gatherings of ten or more people are, if not prohibited, strongly discouraged.

There are those who feel as though the measures taken are an unnecessary and simply perpetuate the fear. There are others who want the strongest possible restrictions in place and believe every precaution to be vital. Others are firmly in the middle.

We’re not going to take sides here. In fact, we’re not really going to talk about COVID-19 at all.

Don’t get me wrong. It matters.

It’s just that we don’t know what will happen.

We know that the resurrection of Jesus did happen and that is the foundation of our calm in the chaos.

So, between now and Easter, I’m going to post a daily devotional of sorts, along with a passage to read from the Bible.

As Paul once wrote, “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8, NLT).

So, let’s fix our thoughts in these coming days. There is nothing more excellent or worthy of praise that Jesus – our God crucified for the forgiveness of our sins and raised to give us newness of life.

Quicksand

Most of my childhood was spent playing with my two brothers in the beautiful woods behind our house. We created elaborate imaginary worlds out there (think Bridge to Terabithia, only with less tragic endings). We had our own system of currency (usually rocks), our own medical practices (dirt and leaves, mostly), even our own sports (“mudboarding,” which involved gliding down the hills in our sneakers and only worked right after it rained). 

Our many hours in the woods also gave us this sense of survival – we had to take care of ourselves in the dangerous backcountry of our suburban home. (In reality, our parents could almost always see us through the living room window.)

Obviously, if we were going to survive in the deep wilderness, we needed survival books. Our favorite was The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook. You never knew when you’d need to escape the death-grip of quicksand. The first step, by the way, is to not panic which means I probably wouldn’t have made it to the second step.

I always thought quicksand would turn out to be a bigger problem in my life than it has been. I've actually never even seen quicksand, much less been stuck in it. Yet, the fear was there. I would often imagine what a horrible death that would be. I would imagine the feeling of utter loneliness as I sunk into the darkness. Morbid, I know.

I’m not afraid of quicksand anymore. I’ve outgrown that. 

I have adult fears now – about relationships, finances, and health. I spin my own worst-case scenarios. I catastrophize. I let my imagination run wild.

Nothing feeds my fear like my imagination.

Throughout my life, most of what I feared would happen never did.  Life hasn’t been perfect, by any means, but it also hasn’t been as tragic as I thought it would be.

Yes, there is real tragedy and real pain and real worst-case scenarios.

But, let's deal with those as they come and resolve to no longer waste ourselves on destructive fantasies.